I have prayed about this (on my mind)
I have prayed about this and this is what comes to my heart.
Mom, you have never had a conversation about any of this without excusing yourself by diverting the conversation to what you lived through or treating me like I am sick. I am still left feeling as though you have not addressed this as a parent. Please don’t dismiss me as though there is nothing to discuss. For years this family has flounder in misfortunes that has now plagued three generations of our family. It is very hard for me to accept that you have no interest in helping things get bette; that you have just thought of your own feelings and blamed everything on everyone else. You allowed so many bad things in our home through our childhood that it confuses me how you could choose to act like they never happened. And when you do allow discussion for past truths to be recognized you quickly excuse them with your childhood, pity yourself, and focus on the fact that I have to forgive. I have forgiven the past, it is the present I have issues with. What you are missing while you are on the defense is that I do forgive what has happened but find great sadness in the fact that you still play the victim and dismiss validating what your children went through. You would think that because of what you went through, you would want to talk to us, help, not feed the pain.
Uncle Jay. You dismissed my problems with you, even after lying in your defense to help you back into the fold. You stated that I have nothing to be upset about. As if you never did anything. That hurts. Not what you did but what you are doing. Through my childhood you beat me, burned me with lighters, spit on me; even poured tobacco spit on me. You busted my nose open after punching me off the back of a chair over stew tomatoes. You were entertained by have your dogs guard me, for hours. You were amused by doing very mean things to me that I could go on for a long time about, a very long list. All forgiven. But you’re allowing me to appear foolish and a lire hurts deep, especially considering how quickly I lobbied you back to the family.
I will respect your choice to step away if you wish mom. As you have done so quickly. I will not beg for your honesty Jay. I also will step away considering you are not even willing to own a moment. You both should proceed as you wish and you will hear no more from me. I have no regrets because I have tried to do what God says to, pretty clear in the bible. I am not blaming or attacking, as you would have others believe. I am just trying to work past the pain and be honest about my feelings. I pray that my heart stays true to my children and will look back on this if I ever feel differently to ensure I am always there for them. I will break this chain.
If this is the last of our communications I will accept this in peace and pray for you both.